Alter-native's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[3 Second Collab]

That's our Clock Crew.

Judge them as individuals, not as a pest. That said, some entries were flat out spam while others were flat out remarkable. Although it should have been quicker. By the way, I pressed both up keys and nothing happend.

[:: Car Wash ::]

Oh Man, RTIL Was Not Only Right but Super-Right!

The "nail in the coffin" only gets pushed down further into this series of "Overratedly Yours". Johnathan Ian Mathers is not improving, bu merely prolonging this series of rants and raves. Look in horror as he attempts to put this toon on metaphorical life support by errecting sexual innuendo all over it. This is but a pitiful comeback that tries to please the horniest of his emo fanbase. We're sorry Mr. Illwillpress, but your poseur fanboys won't last forever. We have caught on to your Hanna-Barbara esque formula of recycling frames, icons and backgrounds. Not to mention, your cheap attempt to make the episode different by replcing Foamy with another squirell from the squirell box. You're running out of rants, boy. Car Washes now? Ooooh, What's next? Carnivals? The DMV? Eventually, you will have to do something you have'nt done in a long time, that would be pushing your work to the limit like a true NG artist.

[Ranball Z]

OW! Damn it!

I saw this rainbow ball, and it was all gorgeous and pretty cute and stuff. Then it comes and smacks me in the face and breaks my screen!

JonBro responds:

ranball
14.92

[=SS Video Game Classics=]

Sigh...Just Not Complete...

What upsets me is the fact you forgot to load the OMG HALO! sequence Guardian submitted, which spawned the videogame bashing series. It was crappy yes, but I understood the humor and laughed at the voices. I am pretty sure he was making fun of the whining nerds he had to put up with when playing Halo with voice chat. Its probbably was not that big a deal, but it truly bothers me when you omitted the Half Life 2 noob rap from the original Half Life 2 collab. Once agian, like OMG Halo!, it had pictures with crappy mouthing. However, what got me was the pacing. These nerds were rapping to the tune of the black ops chase music. And it went something like this...""No, No! Why did ya let go?! Can't you see you've cost me the game?! Oh my God!" and then appears a casual looking guy, he babbles to the tune, representing the nerds who are out to annoy you on voice chat. Then along comes another nerd, he says something along the lines of "You blew it! You blew it! Why youd do it?! You've cost us the game!" Then comes a hispanic gamer and he says more scolding in a spanish accent. Then comes another gamer in a skull cap who criticizes everyone, and calls you a noob. Then I remember an office boss comes up, critcizes everyone, and says "Failure Failure Everywhere! No money for anyone!" I swear that Half Life 2 rap segment was craptastic genius, but you forgot to include it within this collection which makes me sad.

Starberry responds:

i never had the omg halo file so yeah... your description of it is close, but not entirely exact.... there wasn't any sort of rapping in that one, just yelling.. but whatever, you remembered something worth remembering.

[A Kitty Krew Beatdown]

Behold! The Savior Artist of the KK.

The Clock Crew had Orange Clock, the Star Syndicate had ZekeySpacey Lizard and Rtil, the Barney Bunch had Cyberen. And now, it'll probably be this Nogfish kid who who will keep the KK from becoming a forgotten run of the mill spam club(like the Socom Squad, the Bomb Brigade, or the absoludicrious Sun Mafia). This movie begins with a scene of a helpless Krew member being savagely beaten by previous Kitty Krew bashers. These likes include Seven Star(pedophilic leader of the infamous Star Syndicate and proclaimed archnemesis of the KK), Strawberry Clock(The king of B), Foamy(representing the humorless emo foamheads we know all too well), and Venom(main Marvel Comic star in the critically acclaimed KK basher, "Endangered Species:KK". Other members come to the victims aid and attack the bashers in an act of cold hearted vengence. Most notable was the scene where a hooded member hunts down Venom in a similar way the symbiote had hunted down the KK in the Venom movie. The slang word "pwn'd" fitted quite nicely considering the fact that the KK has proven that it is capable of churning out films with stunning animation that rivals the likes of bashers who use copyrighted characters.

Nogfish responds:

Thank you!

You have a way with words, and you know your portal history very well.

[STEEL Faction]

Come on! Give to us!

Rework your hero and give him and his world a shiny, less amateur look.(Are those tires for arms? Give him some decent hard looking shoulder pads, he is a cyborg and deserves better!) Only 3 goons eh? He has freaking rail-guns for arms that fire hail storms of bullets and the best you could give him were three goons with extremely poor armoring?! Seriously, give him an army to fight next time and give them better equipment. Think, you must give them better armorsuits and multiply their numbers by 5. If I were a malicious general bent on conqouring a wartorn post apocalyptic land, I would give some definate thought in what my troops should wear and how many should move out into the action. Sending in three poorly equiped soldiers is definate suicide on behalf of the team.

JohnnyTremain responds:

Ha. I know, I know. Well I had all concept sketches for this. And I lost them like a doofas on my computer. Theres a story board behind this and theres a reason why there were three. I think your going to make me put in a narrator over the whole thing. Thanks for the good review.

[The Best Flash Ever]

I Don't Know...

I think I like Red Skelton's version much better. It has this guy that whacks stuff with his man-meat with hilarity insuing. That movie did not even need any quotes from random dudes to be good. How manly is that? This flash is just way too over hyped to the max.

EggysGames responds:

Wacking things with your man meat IS always funny, but I'm afraid this is better.

[VTech; TributeToPenisStar]

Penis Star is....Dead?!?!

That sick little monkey behind those delightfully twisted "7star is a pedophile" collabs was shot down by the Virginia Tech assassin? And now his picture resides on my Time magazine among 30 other unfortunates? Gee! Talk about six degrees, and I must say I hardly knew the sexually deranged spectrum.

[666Asdf]

"Asdf"? What kind of a lazy title is that?

You might as well call the sequel "666Zxcv" while you're at it. We see here a valiant warrior girl donning her battle ax, setting her sight out towards what will soon be a surely vicious battle. She does seem very confident however, as indicated by her smile which conveys a thirst for thrilling adventure. I see in the background, a grey skyline(made possible by a splendid photo shoot blended neatly into the landscape), and these dark sprigs of tall grass all darkend for very contrasty sort of image. I see a red spot on this grass: fresh blood? The music once again is atmospheric and ambient making this another welcome late night installment of the 666 series. Overall, nothing is wrong with this picture, it is a great piece of concept art. By the way, I notice that this midnight mistress you have featured in this piece has been featured in most of your other entries as well. She has sharp teeth, a lions tail, dark bushy hair, a tatoo on her arm, and a variety of weapons( one most specifically, an assault rifle). I go to your site, and find out her name is Dagger. Any backstory?

Sir-CannabisClock responds:

lots, I shall pm you perhaps!

[Night - By Elie Wiesel]

Yeah, I Read That Book Too...

It was very depressing, and it was an important piece of literature. You forgot to show more of the scene where the kid hangs. That part was the defining part of the whole book because that was time that Elie lost his faith. He looked upon the kid hanging from the gallows and saw that it was no quick death, the kid choked until he was blue and had his tongue sticking out. Elie went through all this up to the point he went into hospitility. By then, came another defining moment, the boy looks into his own reflection, to see nothing more than a corpse, symbolic of what was left of him. Your art was fine, but your animating skills need work. Choose some music that is fitting(The track you chose felt too angsty and reeks of present-time stress. The book is about disillusionment, so choose a tune that moves us into an emotional shock of disbelief, probably something with a piano. Just choose a track that brings a tear to the eye). Most of all, remind yourself that death is real, all you feel and see is all that life will ever be. Don't let anyone convince you into believing that death is not real.